Thursday, March 24, 2005

The Ten Top Ways to Make Liberals Sympathetic to Terri Schiavo’s Plight

  1. Michael Schiavo announces he is a Republican
  2. Have EPA declare her an endangered species
  3. Convict her of murder and sentence her to death
  4. Put out that, if she lives, she could win multi-million dollar suit against drug companies
  5. Have siblings explain that, before she was brain damaged, she was a lesbian about to “come out”
  6. Convince animal rights advocates that she has pet dog who will be depressed if she dies
  7. IRS announces new tax on vegetative states, proceeds to be used for programs “for the children”
  8. Pope, in sharp reversal of position, announces “the sooner she’s gone the better”
  9. New, very lenient Florida rules for assisting handicapped voting will allow her to vote for Hillary in 2008
  10. Bush Administration accuses her of terrorism and ships her to Guantanamo
Sources: mostly us, but with a couple from talk radio, and a couple from a colleague.

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