Marquette Warrior: You Might Be a Liberal If . . . More

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

You Might Be a Liberal If . . . More

A web classic, the “You Might Be a Liberal If . . .” series keeps expanding. We published one version of it, and now (via Stormbringer) we have more.

You might be a liberal if . . .
  • . . . you know gender is a social construct, but have no idea where electricity comes from.
  • . . . you believe portraying Bush as the Joker is political satire, but portraying Obama as the Joker is racist.
  • . . . if you believe Glenn Beck is an extremist because Keith Olbermann told you so.
  • . . . you think America is a cesspool of fat lobotomized WalMart Jesusbots who have the gall to question your patriotism.
  • . . . you believe in the separation of Church and State; Mosque and State, not so much.
  • . . . you believe that hurricanes are caused by people, and that crime is caused by the environment.
  • . . . you think that treating all people equally, regardless of race, is racist.
  • . . . you burn tons of carbon to attend a global warming conference that only sanctions the cleanest nation on Earth.
  • . . . you believe in having dialog with your opponents, and that they’d better shut up during this dialog.
  • . . . you think everyone would agree with you if they were open minded, and you refuse to listen to any other possibility.
  • . . . you believe that a mosque should be built at Ground Zero, but Jews shouldn’t build apartments in East Jerusalem.
  • . . . you believe that opposing abortion violates right of privacy, but you want to tell people they can’t eat french fries.
  • . . . you believe that immersing a crucifix in urine is fine art, but depicting the prophet Mohammed is insensitive.
  • . . . you spend your day telling people that a border fence can’t work, then drive home to your gated community.
  • . . . you think Sarah Palin was too inexperienced to be VP but that Obama had plenty of experience to be President.
  • . . . you think credit card companies are evil when they lend money, and mortgage companies are evil when they don’t.
  • . . . you think people have too many kids, and that those kids need to pay for your Social Security.
  • . . . you think the Government should be obsessed with race, but no one else should ever mention it.
  • . . . you think subsidies are an entitlement, tax cuts are a gift, and liberty is a controlled substance.
  • . . . you’ve ever worried about the threat of Tea Party violence during a Dick Cheney heart attack thread on Kos.
  • . . . you are running low on Valium this weekend due to Glenn Beck’s Restoring Honor Rally.


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