Some New Words Worth Knowing

From an e-mail correspondent.

“The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year’s (2005) winners:”

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
   
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
   
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
   
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
   
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
   
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
   
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
   
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
   
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
   
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
    
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
    
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
    
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
    
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
    
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
    
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
    
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
    
18. And the pick of the winner:
    Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

It’s pretty obvious that 14. is precisely what happened when the Marquette trustees adopted “Gold” as a nickname!

By the way, a search of the Washington Post web site turned up nothing like “Mensa Invitational.” So that part appears to be a hoax. But who cares?