Saturday, December 02, 2006

Insulting Every Country Equally

Via we live our lives among giants, a web page titled “Conan O’Brien Hates My Homeland.”

It’s a long list of insults directed at virtually every country in the world, except for those that come alphabetically after Russia.

Some examples:
The perfect getaway for people who love Kosovo, but hate the working phone service
It took you eight years to beat France
Believe it or not, you can use oil for more than just killing seals
A thriving centre of trade and culture... until 2000 BC!
The only European country to never successfully invade Belgium
Diamonds are forever; too bad your people check out at 35
Central African Republic
So bad, the gorillas learn sign language for “Poach me”
Democratic Republic of Congo
Where even a poor boy with no prospects can grow up to be run over by a presidential motorcade
Where “high-tech” means you’ve got a radio on your homemade raft
El Salvador
Where no resumé is complete without the phrase “Supervised six-person death squad”
You’ve had over 5,000 years of culture, and the world’s most famous Finn is still Huckleberry
When you’re at the end of a grueling fifteen-hour day peeling the husks off nutmeg, remember this: without you, the world would have to sprinkle its eggnog with cinnamon
Even guinea pigs have the good sense to claim they’re actually from Peru
You just celebrated two hundred years of independence. Congratulations. Now make a wish and blow out your burning pile of tires
The newspapers are reporting a miracle. Apparently, a statue of Mary moved her hand and said, “I just worked harder than 80% of your workforce”
If your country could afford vowels, you could spell “this place sucks”
Where Chinese freedom meets Siberian comfort
The Netherlands
Congratulations, you’ve turned 500 years of culture into a pot joke
The page is certainly politically incorrect. Insulting. Gross.

Read the whole thing!


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