Al Sharpton: Mike Nifong Is A Rookie Race-Baiter

This could have appeared in The Onion or on Scrapple Face, but The Nose on Your Face got an exclusive interview with the Rev. Al Sharpton in the Duke rape case.

So, to the subject at hand: the Duke Rape case. I have watched from afar the unfolding of events in Durham County, North Carolina with something approximating merriment. Let me first review the facts: Exhibit A: Injured poor black stripper. Exhibit B: Rich white college boys. Ladies and gentlemen, one would think it’s pretty hard to screw this one up, right? Just bring the two parties together, stir vigorously, and watch. I mean, I do this with my eyes closed, folks. It ain’t complicated.

But wait. There’s another ingredient.

Exhibit C: District Attorney Mike Nifong. Lily-white, blond and smiling, Mr. Nifong looks like he’s in between playing 9 at the Cracker Country Club and racing to his kid’s soccer game. This ladder-climbing albino with sushi in his teeth is going to be the SPARK of racism?!? WE’RE TALKING ABOUT A GUY WHO THINKS BITCHING AT A PARKING LOT ATTENDANT ABOUT THE SMELL OF KFC IN HIS BMW CONSTITUTES INTERACTING WITH BLACK PEOPLE!

Yes, this case was doomed from the start. Mr. Nifong simply committed every single mistake a rookie race-baiter can make. I mean, did he learn anything from my deft handling of the Tawana Brawley case? Who, in their right mind, produces a rape victim that IS NOT covered in animal feces? No racial slurs written on her body? These are basics, people. You might as well not even play the game if you’re not going to understand the rules.

In sum, Mr. Nifong has set-back race-baiting at least a decade. Which, in turn, has set back black people like . . . another century or something. On top of the millennium we’ve already lost. This simply makes the case for slavery reparations stronger, as I’m sure you can imagine. More on that in the near future.

But there is good news for DA Nifong. Getting caught in an outrageous case of race-baiting doesn’t sully one’s reputation.

After all, Sharpton is still treated with the upmost respect!